Ignoring Sirius Black
by SiriuslyKate
Summary: OBSERVATION by one Lena Devlin: DO NOT tell Sirius Black that he can’t have something. It will become his temporary/permanent life’s ambition to get it and in the process cause an innocent girl like myself to go completely mad…
1. A Note from the Victim

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or J.K. Rowling's characters or storylines.**

**Author Note: **Well hello again. For those of you who have been reading my L/J fic...it's almost done!! I promise. Just finishing up the last chapter and the epilogue is already written, excitment!! It's just a matter of writing when I have the inspiration. I don't want it to be forced.

Anywho. This is my new Sirius/OC fic. I've spent months building a story line and making sure it's actually going to go somewhere before I published it on here. So hopefully you enjoy it...this is just the introduction. Will post chapter one soon :)

_Siriusly Kate_

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**TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: **

This is a temporary journal of one, Lena Devlin, in order to piece back together the once sound and reasonable disorder that was her mind.

**A note from the victim: **

OBSERVATION: DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell Sirius Black that he cannot have something. I mean, really, if _you_ were the one who told him that I was unattainable then I would probably stop reading this and run in the other direction because I'm going to torture you slowly by hanging you upside down, by the toes, from the ceiling in the Great Hall, and tickling you mercilessly until you fully understand just what you've done to me. But, I digress.

The point was, don't tell Sirius Black that something is beyond his grasp because it will quite literally become his life's ambition to grasp said something and in the process make a poor, innocent, unsuspecting girl like myself go completely mad.

Seriously, if it was you…I HATE you. Please go jump off a cliff.

Er…perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's see…where to start?

I suppose I should explain why I'm writing down anything at all, because, well, I don't really keep a journal and I've always thought it was kind of stupid to chronicle every minute thing one does the way a certain Lily Evans is prone to doing. The simple answer, I suppose, is that I've reached the point where I'm starting to think I can't trust my own mind anymore. This is extremely disconcerting, not to mention maddening. I'm usually one of those people that knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. At the beginning of term I think I was still in control of my needs, I mean, I was fully prepared for a last and final year of lots of fun, boys, and occasionally studying for my NEWT classes. I had _no idea_ that a certain group of boys that call themselves The Marauders would decide that it was imperative to turn my life upside down.

Not that it's been turned upside down in a bad way. It's just, well, upside down…

And so, I've nicked this notebook from Sophie and am currently doing something I've always found pointless in order to straighten out my life and perhaps explain just exactly why most every part of my life has officially gone wonky.

To start, one of my best friends won't speak to me anymore. This is probably the most significant thing at this point in time because unlike a lot of people at this school, it takes a lot for you to get under Sophie Rogers' skin. It really does. And somehow or another, I've managed it. Go me…but that is only one of many things that are so very wrong.

Continuing, I think I might actually be friends with Lily Evans. This is entirely surprising (and consequently one of those maddening things I was talking about) because she's _extremely_ annoying and currently a very strict, non-rule breaking kind of Head Girl. We have never been friends. So again…strange.

Also, I've been given detention for a lot of things so far this term (it's _only _November) that surprisingly were_ not_ my fault. It's not that I've never had detention before. Honestly, you cannot be friends with someone like Andi Cauldwell (I love her to death, really) and not get in a lot of trouble. Up until this point, I've never _had_ to worry about anyone else getting me into trouble besides Andi or myself. Frustrating? Why yes.

And then the strangest thing of all…I think that Sirius Black likes me. And not in that 'you are unconquered territory' sort of way (_although I think at one point that is exactly what sort of way it was and I really feel I should be much angrier about that_), but rather in an 'I genuinely like you' sort of way.

Let me be clear. Sirius Black is an arrogant, pompous, adorably charming, and ridiculously gorgeous boy who gets anything and everything he wants simply because he is himself. He dates mindless idiot blonde bimbos who aren't smart enough to realize he's just in it for the shag, his loyalty is first and foremost to James Potter, and he doesn't take _anything_ seriously.

So, you may be asking yourself…why then Lena is it so strange that he likes you?

Well, first of all. I am not a mindless idiot blonde bimbo who isn't smart enough to realize he's toying with me. Quite the contrary. I'm a very bright, albeit ridiculously procrastinating, witch with dark brown hair, olive colored skin, and no sign of a pair of baby blue eyes in sight (_yes as a matter of fact all blonde bimbos have baby blue eyes, heh. My eyes are wonderful shade of deep green in case you were wondering_).

I have two amazing, intelligent friends that are both beautiful, and claim that I am too. I don't argue. Aside from my nose being a bit too big, I don't think I'm that bad to look at. Oh yes, and see that. No inferiority complex either. I don't need a boy to hang on in order to feel better about myself, regardless of the fact that that boy may be six feet and two inches of unbelievably hot hair, eyes, and body.

Don't look like that. I never said I didn't think he was attractive, just that he was full of himself and definitely not my type.

That said, I have this sneaking suspicion that Sirius Black isn't playing games anymore and that he really, genuinely…likes me. The thing is, he's spent the last three months trying to convince me to go out with him because of his stupid friends and now, well, now I think he just wants to be friends, like, real friends. What's the _deal_?

Needless to say, I'm very confused and as I mentioned before, going completely mad. Because you see, now that he's not leaving flowers on my bed and sticking notes in my Transfiguration book, my traitorous self seems to be missing it. Quite a lot (_and all of this after I swore to him we would never speak again)_.

I literally almost pinned a prank on him the other day so he would get detention with me. There is seriously something wrong with my head.

I have no idea _when_ this happened or in Merlin's name _why_, but it has. And for the love of all that is magical, I do not know what is wrong with me. Ugh.

It would seem that I've now gotten to the point of this, erm…this _was_ only supposed to be a note. My apologies for the rather epic short novel it has become.

Anyway, the point.

The point is I have to figure out what has happened. I have to know when this all started and _why_ my notes from Charms yesterday have little hearts in the corner.

(Side bit: Sirius happens to be in that class. He sits right in front of me.)

Perhaps I am crazy and that's all there is to it, but still, I think maybe writing this all down for you, anonymous reader, might help me sort it all out. Especially since as I write, Mr. I'm Going to Get In Your Head and Then Pretend I Did No Such Thing is staring at me and making me lose me train of thought.

Merlin, he just winked at me. Moron.

... ... ...

Erm, moving on.

I suppose the best place to start is where this whole bloody _mess_ started and that would be September 1st on the Hogwarts Express.

Oh honestly….now he's throwing things at me. I really don't _get_ him.

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A decent start in my opinion, but I desperately would like to know if you think it's something I should continue! Please, please, please, please, please review and tell me your thoughts!! (Or just is you liked it or disliked it hehe)

Chapter One up sooooon!


	2. September 1st: Hexes and Ketchup

**_Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd, here's chapter one :)_**

**_Hope you like it!_**

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**(Chapter One) **

**September 1****st**– **Aboard the Hogwarts Express **

The Hogwarts express shakes a lot. Thinking back on it, I guess I never really noticed because I'm usually pretty occupied with one thing or another. But really, it jerks and vibrates quite a bit. Maybe _that's_ why my arse is always numb by the time we get to Hogwarts. Well, either way, it didn't seem to be bothering me and my two best friends that afternoon. Something else _entirely_ was the cause of that.

Sophie Rogers and Andi Cauldwell are my two best friends.

Andi is a willowy brunette with gorgeous big brown eyes. She's one of those girls that defies society simply because she can. Or perhaps because her father is a millionaire and she likes to embarrass him. Outrageous is sort of her thing. She's also on the Quidditch team. She's a beater, and a bloody good one if you ask me. First female to have the position on the Gryffindor team…ever I believe. She rather enjoys the fact that boys are scared of her. And admittedly, she's right menacing with that bat of hers. Oh yes, and she's usually the cause of literally any and all trouble that I ever get into.

Usually.

Then there's Soph. Sophie is stick thin, blonder than a Malfoy, and _always_ has her nose in a book. I've really come to the conclusion that she isn't particular about what book it is as long as it has a cover and words inside. She gets better grades than Lily Evans, which I didn't think was possible, and she never studies…which is just unfair. She's reclusive sometimes which is of course why Andi and I are here, but really, she's the glue that holds the three of us together.

Seriously, Andi's temper goes off at the drop of a hat and I'm told that I'm a champion sulker. Without Sophie and her ridiculously calm and sensible self, I think we would have given up on our beautiful friendship long ago. Aside from these very small things, however, we have a lot in common. We're all purebloods, we're all around the general height of five foot ten (_Andi is actually five foot nine, but we let her believe otherwise_), and we tend to be able to read each other's minds.

Which is probably why at that moment Andi was seething in the corner, dutifully obeying Sophie's silent orders to not say anything, as a certain Head Girl that we all find very annoying was stomping around _our_ compartment…being irrational…yelling a lot…and kicking things.

"Lily, I really think you should calm down," Sophie attempted to reason. Silly Sophie.

"Leave her alone Rogers," Marlene snapped and glared. "You'd be upset too."

How we got stuck in there with Lily and her two favorite shadows, I'm still not entirely certain. One moment we were joking about Andi's latest scandal and the next Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Perkins had burst into our compartment rather rudely.

"Oh come off it," Andi exclaimed. Sophie placed a hand on her forearm, but Andi just brushed it off. Bless Sophie and her rational self, but Andi's self control only goes so far. I was impressed she had lasted as long as she had.

Andi stood abruptly and successfully stopped Lily's rampage around the really very small compartment. She looked meaningfully at the fuming redhead, "He's not that bad, Lils."

"Not that bad?" Lily shouted and looked like she wanted to punch something. "Not that bad? Do you _realize_ what this year is going to be like? Honestly, HEAD BOY?? Dumbledore has really lost it. Lost it!"

She viciously kicked the wall to her right and promptly sat down.

Looking satisfied, Andi rolled her eyes at me and sat back down as well.

"So why exactly are you so upset?" I asked.

If looks could kill, I would be dead right now three times over, because Lily, Alice, and Marlene all glared lethally at that. I scowled back, "I'm serious. So he's a troublemaker. Maybe Dumbledore is trying to instill some responsibility in him, misguided as it seems."

"He's a lot more than a bloody troublemaker," Lily snapped and Alice rubbed her back supportively. "He's an arrogant prat who thinks he owns the world. He has absolutely no regard for the rules and no respect for women. Now explain to me, just _HOW_ am I suppose to deal with that for the whole year when our job is to _enforce_ rules and respect?"

"He seemed nice enough when I talked to him earlier," Andi smirked. "Maybe it's just something about you that brings out that side of him."

"Oh perfect," Lily exclaimed and I really thought at that point she was going to burst into tears. "Just leave me alone, Cauldwell. Go away, all of you!"

"I would point out that you are the one in our compartment, Lily darling, but that would just be rude of me wouldn't it?" Andi threw me a sidelong glance and I grinned. I really love her a lot.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Devlin!"

…er, you know how people always joke about how redheads look like their head is on fire? Well if there had been smoke coming out of Lily's ears at that moment I would fully have believed that her head _was_ on fire. It's safe to say she was livid.

"I'm FUCKING HEAD GIRL! If I want to use this sodding compartment I'm going to use this sodding compartment. Now GET OUT!"

Andi appeared to be gearing up for another go at Lily when Sophie, thankfully, spoke up.

"We'll go Lily, it's fine," she smiled assuredly at Lily who looked like a volcano about to erupt. "Don't forget the Prefect meeting in a half hour. I'll see you then."

Sophie then very efficiently chased Andi and myself out of the compartment and into the corridor…which shakes, jerks, and vibrates more than the compartments if that's possible.

"You take all the fun out of everything, you know that?" Andi said in exasperation as we started moving down the hall looking for an empty compartment, or at least one with someone young enough to exercise our mighty Seventh Year power on.

Sophie just rolled her eyes, "I really didn't want to have to clean up after her when she exploded. Besides, she _is_ Head Girl and I was just saving you from a month of detention before term had even started."

I laughed, "Go Soph!"

Andi grumbled, "She's a twit. Honestly, if I had James Potter sniffing up _my_ skirt there's no way I'd bellow at him the way she does. Doesn't she realize the opportunity she's passing up here?"

"She obviously has different priorities than you," Sophie replied dryly and paused for a moment to check a compartment before moving on.

"Sophie, you know very well that our darling Andi doesn't even have standards let alone priorities," I grinned sweetly as Andi opened her mouth to protest.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to hear the gem of sarcasm that always follows whenever you tease Andi about her slaggish ways because a very obviously Slytherin oriented blast of frigid air attacked us as Sophie poked her head into a seemingly empty compartment in front of us.

"GET OUT OF HERE!"

Sophie stepped back so quickly that she stepped on my toe. Naturally I shouted and pushed her off, and naturally the train decided to do that jerking thing I was telling you about and send her flying back towards our attacker, and _that_ only caused poor Sophie to be shoved _back_ at me quite rudely.

And this was perhaps the start of all of my troubles.

Prepared this time, I caught Sophie under the arms and steadied her.

"Thanks," she answered softly and I saw her eyes were rather round.

Now, it's true that Andi is supposedly the one with the temper, but I really _hate_ Slytherins. Particularly one Slytherin who happens to be a great slimy prat who thinks no one knows about his obsession with Lily Evans and the Dark Arts. Quite frankly, I despise Severus Snape.

How kind of him to give me an opportunity to cause him bodily harm.

"Just what are you about, Snape," I shouted. "Last time I checked this compartment wasn't exclusive."

His lip lifted in a very ugly sneer, "Last time I checked, I didn't fraternize with Gryffindor hags and their favorite whore."

_(Just on a side note…where do Slytherins learn to sneer like that? Because they all do it. AND DID HE CALL ANDI A WHORE? I had nearly forgotten…)_

I really don't know what came over me, I don't. But as he stepped toward me I let fly the first hex that came to mind. I must tell you that I have perfected the Bat-Bogey Hex and that this was a particularly proud moment for me.

Flailing his arms helplessly, he was thrown backwards down the corridor as a rather impressive amount of bats flew out of his nose. (Which means he had a rather impressive amount of bogies in his nose. _Ew_.)

At this point, heads were poking out of compartments to see what the commotion was about and I should tell you that the second they sniff trouble, the Marauders magically appear out of nowhere. Which they did, naturally. Can't let me have a bit of my own fun.

So, as Snape flew backwards into the air he landed in a heap at the feet of the root of all my madness, Sirius Black.

The Marauder in question grinned down at the boy at his feet who was frantically trying to stem the flow of bats flying painfully out of his nose, "Having a good trip then, Snivelly?"

"I'd rather say he is Padfoot," James Potter replied as Snape glared murderously at him. Or at least the poor greasy sod was attempting to glare as he tried to find his wand to stop the flow of bats exploding out of his face. "Or at least _someone_ is having some fun."

He looked up at me with an eyebrow cocked and looked pointedly at my raised wand, "I really thought he would have learned a long time ago not to mess with Gryffindors."

At this point, Snape had found his wand and muttered the counter-hex to my quite brilliant display of talent.

"Care to share, sweet?" Sirius gestured towards Snape and winked at me disconcertingly.

"STUP-" And because of said wink, Snape's bellow caught me totally off guard and I'm quite sure I would have gotten off the train with a rather large headache if Sirius hadn't reacted as quickly as he did.

"Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand went flying and very nearly hit me in the face.

Snape turned to scowl at Sirius, "I'm going to kill you, Black."

"Just name the time and place, Snivellus, and I'm yours," he grinned, rather stupidly in my opinion, at the furious boy.

Snape did that lip thing again and sneered at the four smugly grinning boys in front of him. I saw him glance behind at me and rather thought he was weighing his options. Regardless, he must have decided the odds were against him because he rushed over to retrieve his wand and then pushed past Andi and Sophie as he attempted to escape.

I heard James mutter behind me, and not a second later Snape tripped, quite out of the blue, and landed flat on his face.

The uproar that came from the four boys behind me was ridiculous. Honestly, who laughs like that?

We all watched as Snape picked himself up and rushed off.

"Stupid git," Andi snickered and received a disapproving glance from Sophie. "What?"

"Be obliged if you didn't mention that one to Lily," James said and drew my attention back to him and his disciples. His eyes twinkled mischievously, "You know, Head Boy and all."

"Come now, Prongs. You were only defending a poor innocent from the oily clutches of Slippery Snivelly. She'd understand."

So at that moment in time, I really didn't appreciate how delicious Sirius was looking that day, being that I was busy being annoyed that he hadn't let me finish Snape off and, on top of things, thought I needed defending. But it really was a drool worthy moment. None of the boys had switched into their school uniforms yet, and Sirius was standing there looking for all the world like he purposely meant to look all handsome and disheveled. All he was wearing was a pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt, but they worked for him. It might have had something to do with the fact that he had very obviously matured over the summer, and possibly gained some biceps that I wasn't about to complain about, but add to it the too long, shaggy black hair and laughing blue eyes and you had yourself a package right there.

A very annoying but drool worthy package.

"I did _not_ need defending," I said and poked a finger in Sirius' chest. "In fact, if you hadn't interfered he would never have found his wand and I could have finished him off. I'd be chucking his lifeless body off the train right now rather than looking at your poor excuse for a face."

"I like the way this girl thinks," Remus said and shot me a grin. I think I may have heard Sophie mentally faint at that.

"C'mon Devlin," Sirius grinned. "It all worked out. Can't resist a chance to stick old Snapey-poo with a good hex or two."

"Well next time resist," I said emphatically. "Now that he's gotten away we're both going to get detention and I fully blame you."

He ruffled my hair affectionately, "Anytime, love. Anytime."

I shoved at his hand, "Keep your hands to yourself, Black."

I turned abruptly and went into the compartment that Snape had so generously vacated for our use. I fully expected my friends to follow, but Andi being who she is and Sophie being hung up on Remus, they didn't quite take the hint and did not follow my perfectly planned dramatic exit.

"Hmph," I sat down and glared at the empty doorway.

"Don't worry, she's that rude to everyone," Andi said. Cheeky, that's what she is. Cheeky. "Sophie here though evens her out. All sweetness and manners is our Soph."

I could just picture the meaningful look she was giving poor Remus Lupin. Let's add devious to that long line of adjectives after Andi's name. Poor Sophie, I could all but hear the blush on her face.

"Andi, Magdelena is not rude. She's just obviously upset," Sophie answered.

Oh. My. God. She just called me Magdelena. .LENA.

I think maybe I forgot to mention the fact that in a fit of delusion at my birth my mother thought it was in fact a good idea to name me the horrid mouthful that is my first name. _No one_ calls me that except for Sophie and up until this point in time I had successfully hidden this fact from the entire populace of Hogwarts.

"Don't call her that Soph, I'm sure she'd strangle you if she were _listening_," Andi stressed that last bit. I ground my teeth together. She knew very well I was listening.

"Are you guys talking about Lena?" James asked. "I didn't know her real name was Magdelena."

Now for some strange reason, once people find out that that is in fact my real name the following happens:

Person: "Oh what a pretty name, exotic even." (clearly insane)

Me: (annoyed) "Why thank you."

Person: "It was nice to meet you Magdelena."

Me: (horrified) "My name is LENA!!"

Unfortunately, this time around I was busy pretending I had gone off in a huff so my traitorous best friend was left to fend for my name's honor.

"Shh, don't let her hear you. She doesn't let anyone call her that and would kill us if she found out that we told you." Yep, that Andi. She's a real pal.

"Really, Andi," Sophie heaved a sigh. Perhaps this was because she knew as soon as I saw that stupid turncoat I used to call my friend I was going to wage all out war, which I was fully planning on doing, but she sounded rather resigned.

"Well I suppose we should be going. James here has important Head Boy things to do and we have some very important things to plan. So if you ladies will excuse us," I could have hugged Sirius just then. I waited in silence as they said their goodbyes and was about to sigh in relief when a shaggy head popped into the compartment.

My potential savior turned his blue eyes on me and grinned, "Farewell darling Mags!"

I was so completely horrified that I only stared blankly at his head and then the space where his head had been when he took off down the corridor with his mates. My mind simply refused to admit that Sirius Black had just called me 'Mags' and that my once best friend was nearly falling all over my other once best friend in uncalled for, very Benedict Arnoldish, mirth.

Sophie dragged Andi into the compartment, where the hyena sat down in the corner and _continued_ to laugh, and then shut the door firmly behind her. She gave me an apologetic look and rolled her eyes at Andi…who now had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I really can't see why that was necessary. You know she hates her name."

Andi didn't answer for a moment. She was clearly trying to get a hold of herself but every time she glanced at my face she was attacked by another spell of laughter. By this time I could _feel_ the rage on my face.

"I'm going to murder you in your sleep," I promised her with as much conviction as I've ever had.

"Oh lord," she gasped and wiped at the tears _still_ streaming down her cheeks. I don't think she was taking me seriously. "You should see your face. Mags…that was priceless."

"I'll give you priceless," I grabbed at my wand.

"Enough," Sophie snapped. "Magdelena you are already going to get detention so I'd suggest you save your hexes for another time. Andi, _stop_ egging her on."

"Oh Merlin," Andi sighed and grinned happily at me. CHEEKY!

I scowled at her and turned away to open my trunk when I realized that our trunks were in the other compartment.

"Damn it! Bloody hell," I whirled around and, I think marched is the correct term for what I did. Okay, so I whirled around and marched determinedly back to our other compartment.

When I stormed in, the three girls looked up in protest but stopped short at my black look. Without a word, I walked over to my trunk, pulled out my robes and Potions book, and left. I'm sure they thought I was crazy.

By the time I got back to the _other_ compartment, Andi had controlled her maniacal laughter and Sophie had somehow found a book and was reading silently by the window.

I graced Andi with a look that quite clearly said I wanted nothing to do with her and collapsed into the other window seat opposite of Sophie.

I'm ashamed to admit that it only took about five minutes for Andi to interrupt my studiousness. By the end of _that_ train ride I was feeling properly harassed but no longer angry. It's difficult to stay angry with Andi when she bribes you with chocolate and news about potentially huge, scandalous breakups. I know, I know. I'm weak. But then I suppose there _is_ a reason that she's my best friend.

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**Note from the victim: **

_I didn't realize how long my first day back was. I think I need a nap before I finish explaining the rest of the fiasco that was my first night back. It's almost as stressful and irritating the second time around. _

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**Still September 1****st**– **Welcome Back Feast **

"I think my stomach is going to cave in," I muttered to Andi as we sat watching what seemed like the millionth first year stumble nervously up to the stool at the front of the hall and plop the oversized Sorting Hat on their head. "I don't ever remember there being this many bloody first years."

Andi agreed sympathetically, "I haven't eaten anything since that pumpkin pasty on the train. I'm supposed to meet up with Gideon Prewett after this. I can't very well snog him properly if my stomach is making disgusting noises at him. And really, how _many_ new Slytherins are we going to have to deal with?"

Andi was quite obviously disgusted (_and rightly so_) as another sneering (_I told you they all do that, it's like a rule or something_) little blonde girl made her way over to the celebrating Slytherin table and sat down with a smug look. Andi and I shared a scowl.

Sophie looked over at us and shushed. She's a very good shusher, if I do say so myself. She spends half of every class doing it so I'm under the assumption she takes great pride in said talent.

I made a face at her, "Lighten up, Soph. I'm starving over here."

"Well if you had eaten something besides sweets on the train you wouldn't be," she insisted in a whisper and then looked annoyed like it was my fault that she'd joined in on our conversation.

I smiled sweetly, "But then I wouldn't have room for all the yummy food we're going to have."

"Besides," Andi mused. "I had to deal with my mother's idea of 'breakfast' all summer. I'd rather starve then have had to eat another bowl of that ruddy porridge. Ick."

"Shh," Sophie replied and frowned at us.

Andi and I let out identical sighs and rolled our eyes at each other. Deciding to be good friends and prevent Sophie from having an anxiety attack, we passed the rest of the Sorting in silence.

As the last little ball of nerves made her way to the Ravenclaw table, Dumbledore stood and addressed the Hall. I'm pleased to report that for once in his life he was brief. If nothing else my stomach was thanking him quite happily.

"Welcome back one and all. I trust that your summers were quite wonderful and that you've successfully made room for all the spells and charms that will be filling your days this year. I will not bore you with announcements as of yet as I'm under the impression that there's a rather good pudding waiting for us at dinner and I am, in fact, quite fond of pudding. So without further comment, let the feast begin!"

"Finally!" Andi exclaimed and immediately reached for the mashed potatoes that appeared in front of her. I am proud to say that she eats almost as much as a boy. I'm serious. I don't know whether it's the constant snogging or being run into the ground at Quidditch practice by our rather overzealous Quidditch Captain, James Potter, but Andi packs it away and never gains a pound. Okay so I'm proud, and a bit jealous. After all, I actually have to work to look the way I do.

"Oh good grief," Sophie exclaimed as Andi literally attacked her innocent hand trying to get the last roll in front of us. "It's not as if more won't just reappear Andi! And _what_ are you doing to those poor green beans, Lena?"

I looked up from the bottle of ketchup I was holding to look at her curiously, "What are you talking about, Sophie?"

She looked at my plate, "Are you putting ketchup on your green beans?"

Now, honestly, this is a testament to just exactly how much Sophie is always reading at dinner, because it is now our seventh year at Hogwarts and she is just now noticing that I like ketchup with my green beans. I grinned and wiggled the bottle of ketchup at her, "It's good. You should try it!"

"No thank you. I like my vegetables naked," Sophie responded.

Andi must have found this amusing because she sprayed mashed potatoes all over Sophie's face in a fit of laughter.

"Oh Sophie! Sorry, Sophie. It was an accident, really. Where do you come up with this stuff, naked vegetables…" Andi buried her face in her napkin and continued giggling.

I chuckled myself as Sophie wiped her face clean and shook her head at the two of us. I was getting ready to offer the ketchup to Andi, as _her_ poor vegetables were still naked, when someone snatched it out of my hand.

"See here Prongs, ol' Mags has been hogging it. I fully expect that I am now your savior for rescuing the ketchup and that you will do my Transfiguration homework for the first week of class."

I turned slowly to look up at the amused Marauders behind me.

Sirius Black and I have never been on anything but a last name basis. What was with this sudden fascination with my first name?

"Excuse me," I said politely. "I was not finished with that."

"Yes," Andi snorted. "The rest of her vegetables are still naked."

"Oh honestly," Sophie sighed and promptly stuck her face in the book in her hand. Where do those keep coming from? It's like she keeps them conveniently stored in any conceivable place she could end up so that she always has one on hand.

Sirius gave Andi a strange look, "Naked vegetables?"

This was apparently too much for Andi because she escaped into her napkin again. I should probably reinforce the fact that I have wonderful mates who think it's appropriate to feed me to the wolves wherever Sirius Black is concerned.

James scratched the back of his head and surveyed my betrayers with an odd look, "Reckon they're a bit mad, Padfoot?"

"Naked vegetables?" he said again and peered down at my plate. He made a face. "Er, I see. You eat _ketchup _on your green beans, Mags?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," I snapped. "And don't call me that. My name is _Lena_. Now please, give me the ketchup and stop insulting my vegetables."

"Oh dear," Andi apparently had recovered…for the moment. "Now they're _insulting_ your poor vegetables. What's the world coming too?"

Maybe Andi _is_ mad now that I think of it. I seriously considered locking her up at this point, anyway.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," I exclaimed.

"Hey now," Sirius responded. "I take offense to that."

Sirius doesn't take offense to anything. He's too full of himself to actually consider the fact that someone might legitimately be insulting him. Or else he just chooses not to care. Either way, that damn grin on his face was still annoying.

"Of course you do," I muttered, fully considering just snatching the ketchup from him and taking my whole plate and the damned bottle outside to eat in peace.

"People are staring," Sophie hissed. Oh now she cared…

I think it says something about my life that a conversation about ketchup and green beans had gone on for this long. Also consider that Sirius Black was looking at us like _we_ were the crazy ones simply because I like ketchup on my green beans and Sophie was worried because people were staring at our argument over said ketchup. I may have agreed with him then, but I'm still convinced that he's the one with sanity problems.

Perhaps it's contagious? Hm.

"Oh just take the ruddy ketchup," I finally sighed.

Hoping that would be the end of it, I turned back to my green beans only to be interrupted by a rather severe voice.

"Devlin, Potter, Black. Come with me please," we all turned to look at a very not amused Professor McGonagall.

Oh yes, I had nearly forgotten about the detention part.

"Hello there Minnie. How was your summer break?"

Have I _explained _yet how much I absolutely loathe Sirius Black? Because I do. I despise him. Okay, perhaps _loathe _and _despise _are a bit harsh, but honestly, _who_ thinks it's a good idea to call their very prim Transfiguration teacher pet names when you know very well she came over to give us detention?

Exactly.

Hence the reason my hand twitched at that point, perilously close to taking him out once and for all.

"Relaxing Mr. Black," she replied and I swear to Merlin that her lips twitched.

Seriously? Only you, Sirius Black could get away with that. Ugh.

"Now if the three of you would all come with me please, we have something to discuss."

I shot Sophie and Andi a miserable look. Sophie was reading again but her face clearly said that it served me right, and Andi was still occasionally spasming in laughter and hence was too busy to commiserate with me.

Although, I really doubt that she would have. Commiserated with me I mean. In fact, thinking back I'm sure that last bit of attractive snorting she emitted as I got up to leave was probably for my benefit.

I think I'm the only person in this whole bloody school with any good sense left.

"C'mon darling Mags. We can't keep Minnie waiting."

And suddenly, Sirius was pulling me through the Great Hall by the hand as we followed Professor McGonagall and James towards the end of the Hall. The only reason I didn't pull my hand back immediately was because I wasn't about to make another scene. That and I probably would have been mauled by all the death glares I was receiving from Sirius' fan club. I know they seem like harmless overly obsessed twits, but let me tell you…I was mildly afraid for my life.

Once clear of the Great Hall, however, I snatched my hand back and glared at the grinning moron who fell into step beside me.

"I hope you won't be this grumpy during detention," Sirius answered my glare with an amiable smile. "You won't have much fun."

I raised a brow at him. Fun. Right. See, there's that whole questioning Sirius' sanity again.

"And what exactly is there that's fun about detention?"

Don't get me wrong, I've had detention before and I'm quite sure there are far worse punishments. However, it's usually tediously long and boring and not exactly my idea of a wild night. But then I suppose, being who they are, that James and Sirius _would _enjoy detention. Merlin knows they spend enough time there.

"Well, in general, I would say that depends on just exactly who you have detention with," he replied philosophically pulling me from my musings. "Since you had the good luck to get caught with me and Prongs here, and the love of my life Minnie will be doling it out, I would say that you couldn't have asked for a more smashing time."

"Are you implying that I'm going to enjoy having detention with you?" I asked mildly amused.

"I think you'd have a good time with me anywhere, Maggie dear," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"My name is _Lena_ and I'm having a hard time tolerating walking beside you. How exactly is that supposed to make for a good time?"

"If you two are quite finished," McGonagall had stopped and was eyeing us with that piercing look that makes first years pee their pants. "I would like to get down to business."

She gestured towards her office door where James had already disappeared. Sirius threw her a grin and waltzed through the door.

McGonagall and I both rolled our eyes. Miraculously she gave me a halfway sympathetic smile before ruining the moment, "I haven't got all night Miss Devlin."

I lowered my head guiltily and quickly strode through the door. I avoided the obvious effort Sirius was making to get me to sit down in the chair next to him and immediately seated myself on the opposite side of James.

McGonagall walked over and leaned against the edge of her desk, "You know, I expect things like this from you two but this is the first time I've actually had to punish you Miss Devlin without the company of Miss Cauldwell. Would someone please explain to me why you all seem so intent on making Severus Snape's life so miserable and in turn causing Professor Slughorn to think that all of my students are hellbent on causing mischief."

"Well you see Professor, Snape was being the normal git that he is and attacking poor Maggie here…"

Professor McGonagall raised a brow, "Maggie?"

I scowled at Sirius who had the nerve to grin. I looked emphatically at McGonagall, "He's talking about me and no that is not what happened."

"It is so Professor, tell her James. We were just doing our duty."

McGonagall fixed Sirius with a look and for once in his life he stopped speaking. She turned back to me, "Please explain yourself, Lena."

I sighed and figured I might as well just tell the truth.

"Well Professor, Andi, Sophie, and I had found our own compartment when that twit you made Head Girl-"

"Miss Devlin."

"Er, sorry Professor. Anyway, Lily Evans barged in because she was upset about one thing or another," at this point I threw a look at James and he returned it looking quite pleased. "And then she kicked us out rather rudely. So we were in search of a new place to sit when we accidentally walked in on Severus Snape. He wasn't very nice and he shoved poor Sophie so I did the only thing I could in that situation and I hexed him."

I looked at McGonagall, satisfied with my explanation. Sirius and James were doing their best to keep their faces straight next to me as McGonagall's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Well at least you're honest, Miss Devlin. But Mr. Snape made it quite clear that your friends here were involved as well."

"We jinxed him Professor," James answered quickly as I opened my mouth to claim their innocence. Honestly, did they _want_ detention.

"Yeah," Sirius replied. "He was making threats against our persons. It was only right."

"Threats are just that Mr. Black, threats. Unless he had acted upon them and even then I would not expect you to retaliate," she sighed and moved to sit behind her desk. She started pulling out parchment and a quill. "Ten points each will be taken from Gryffindor and you will all be given two weeks detention with me in the hopes that I can knock some sense into all of you so that you cease this childish war between houses. And if I hear about anymore business with Mr. Snape, I'll make it a month. I'm warning you now, do not press me on this."

We all nodded to show we understood and took the slips she gave us.

"Mr. Black, Miss Devlin, you may leave. Mr. Potter please stay behind, we need to discuss your plans for the Quidditch team this year."

Sirius and I stood to leave and McGonagall was already discussing practice schedules and strategy with James before we'd even made it out the door.

Sirius shook his head as we headed back towards the Great Hall, "I think that woman might be more fanatical than James. I'm surprised she even gave him detention at all considering it will probably interfere with Quidditch practice."

"You know," I said hotly. I had just looked down at the parchment in my hand and discovered I would be spending three nights a week in detention with these bloody prats and I wasn't too happy. "You could have gotten out of that. It's not like you started it."

Sirius grinned and shrugged, "It was all in good fun. Besides, I'm sure we'd have ended up there anyway. You should have seen the looks we were getting from the Slytherin table before we came over to rescue your ketchup. I was positive Remus had something up his sleeve."

I rolled my eyes, "You're going to be the death of someone one of these days."

"Silly Maggie," he teased. "We only aim to annoy, not kill. I personally have no liking for Dementors or horrible, filth ridden prisons surrounded by an ocean."

"I'm sure they'd like _you_ just fine," I smirked. I can be awfully witty at times.

"Well I suppose," he answered offhanded. "But I reckon I could probably find someone else who would like me just fine."

"If you're coming on to me Black, you'll be disappointed."

"Who says I was talking about you," he paused in front of me a leaned on the wall effectively cutting off my entrance into the Great Hall and forcing me to look up at him when I spoke.

"Oh good," I smiled pleasantly. "Then go torture someone else."

I pushed past him and heard him chuckle," Don't pretend you don't enjoy it."

I paused. He really is a moron. Turning I frowned at him, "Actually, you're right. I do enjoy interfering, obnoxious prats who think that just because he's somewhat good looking that the whole female population is in love with him. News flash Black, I'm quite certain I have better ways to waste my time."

"So you think I'm good looking?" he did that wiggle thing with his eyebrows again and I heaved a resigned sigh. There was no getting through to this one.

"Goodbye Black," I turned and walked through the doors into the Great Hall.

"Bye Mags!" he called after me and suffice it to say my face had reddened quite nicely once I finally made it back to the Gryffindor table.

"That bad, huh?" Andi asked when I flopped down next to her.

I shoved the parchment with my death sentence on it towards her and sighed miserably, "I have two weeks of detention with the twin prats."

Andi sighed in a way that I can only describe as whistful, "You get all the breaks."

"Please explain to me _how_ having detention with Potter and Black for two weeks is a break?" I asked, clearly unable to understand.

She looked at me as though this were a stupid question, "Lena. I'd think that's quite obvious. Sirius and James are possibly the best looking males to ever grace Hogwarts with their presence and you get to spend six whole nights with them alone. How can you fail to see the brilliance of that?"

"She clearly has her priorities in line," Sophie answered and gave me an approving nod. "Detention isn't something to be looked forward to."

"Well that all depend on who you have detention with," Andi grinned and reminded me strongly of Sirius. "In this case, I'd definitely say it's something to look forward to."

I flopped my arms on the table and rested my chin on them as Sophie and Andi started to argue about the finer points of just exactly why detention can be a good thing. By the time we were leaving the Great Hall, Andi had declared Sophie to be a giant prude and no fun at all and Sophie was busy lecturing her on why she needed to grow up. I was busy sulking about not getting to finish my green beans at this point.

Thankfully that was a completely normal way to spend our evening and subsequently led into a very normal, Sirius-free first night back at Hogwarts. Andi went off to find her snog of the moment, Sophie read a book, and I went to bed. Yep, very normal. I only wish I could say it had stayed that way.

* * *

**A note from the victim: **

_Well, I suppose this was enlightening. I mean, I've discovered that Sirius was very obviously flirting with me and I was quite happily oblivious. But I've still yet to come across anything remotely responsible for this stupid disappointment I have now that he seems to have moved on. I reckon I should probably just keep going. I'm bound to come across the point where things changed sooner or later. _

_I mean really…."Who says I was talking about you?" _

_You'd think I would have realized when he didn't immediately fess up to his wanton ways that he was up to something. _

_However, in my defense, Sirius Black is _always_ up to something…_

_

* * *

_

**Well, there it is folks...the lovely beginning to my story and the beginning of all Lena's problems :) Please please please, let me know what you thought. Don't be silent people, review!! hehe**

**SiriuslyKate  
**


	3. September 2nd: Fate

**Author's Notes: **

Hello all!! Thanks so much for the encouraging feedback for the first few chapters!! Helps my writing along for sure :) This chapter turned out to be around 9000 words *gasp* I know right. Soooo long. I apologize, but i do tend to get carried away with Lena. I have her smart little mouth and sarcastic expressions going on in my head and i just keep thinking up more and more trouble for her to get herself into....with Sirius' help of course. Either way. I was having far too much fun. Also, please let me know if anything gets confusing or i didn't clarify something. Occasionally i get caught up in my head and don't realize that I in fact know what's going on but may not have clarified enough for the reader. Anywho, I've been on spring break this week and had plenty of time to write. School starts again on Monday so it might be a bit before i update again. But i will asap I promise!!! Read and review!!

**_Siriusly Kate_  
**

* * *

**Monday, September 2****nd**– **Wherein I learned that fate is not my friend…**

"Seriously Lena, you should probably get up," Sophie was speaking to my half conscious self over her shoulder as she packed her rucksack for the day. Honestly, _no one_ is supposed to actually like getting up at seven in the morning. It should be illegal to look that gorgeous and put together when I can't even function. Psh.

Sadly, I was not given the gift of being a morning person so Sophie has had to drag me out of bed every morning for the past seven years. I don't see why she thought that either of us should change such a lovely routine at this point. It was basically tradition.

Realizing that I was very clearly not conscious enough to heed her warning, she paused to give me a look, "I'm serious, Lena. Andi will be getting back from the shower any second now and she promised to bring some nice cold water with her. Now if it were me, I'd be getting out of bed, but if you'd prefer to start your morning a little soggy…"

She trailed off leaving the obvious threat hanging in the air. My only half existent brain caught the smirk on her lips and had me muttering certain expletives under my breath.

I should tell you that neither Sophie nor Andi make idle threats. Normally, this is something I respect them for but not when they're trying to get me up at ungodly hours of the morning. So what if I missed breakfast? The world wasn't going to come crashing down around us.

"It's only the first day of term," I muttered grumpily and threw my comforter off me in a disgruntled manner. I hate getting up in the morning, but if it's between that and having Andi Cauldwell attacking you with, what has been in the past, multiple gallons of ice water…well I'm sure you can see why I dragged my unwilling self from bed.

"Exactly," Sophie replied, her head now stuck in her trunk as she searched through its perfectly organized contents. "We get our schedules at breakfast. You _do_ want to know when your classes are, don't you?"

Once more, isn't it enough that she can even function that early let alone be _reasonable_?

I muttered something incoherent in her direction and trudged towards the bathroom. I noticed as I went that both Marlene McKinnon and Alice Perkins's beds were empty and perfectly made. If Andi didn't like getting up in the morning as well, I probably would have thought _I _was the abnormal one in this dorm. However, I've come to the conclusion that I just got put into a living situation with a bunch of over achievers. Seriously, getting up in the morning, having your homework done ahead of time, studying every night…who does that?

I passed Andi on my way to the shower. She smiled cheerily at me and shook her head very unsympathetically, "I was so hoping you wouldn't get up. I spent all summer perfecting my Augmenti Charm so that the water is absolutely freezing. Anna says it's quite horrible."

Anna is Andi's little sister and consequently has been tortured her whole life by her big sister's antics. Poor Anna.

I scowled at her, "Some mate you are."

"Well _someone's_ got to get your arse out of bed in the morning," she laughed over her shoulder as she headed down the hall to leave me in peace. I didn't bother to remind her that the same person that had threatened me out of my bed had gotten her out of hers too.

And besides, it isn't as if I wouldn't get out of the bed. I would, just not until absolutely necessary. Breakfast and schedules really aren't necessary.

After a half hour of soaking my head under the hot shower and listening to the bathroom mirror loudly complain about all my steam, I finally emerged from the bathroom feeling human again and much more agreeable.

"I was beginning to worry you had drowned," Andi said when I entered the room and started digging through my trunk for my uniform and robes. She was sitting on the floor in front of our mirror putting her make up on. Sophie and I call it 'putting on her face' because she literally will not go anywhere without it.

"That's funny," I said drly. "If I nearly drowned, you must be a zombie then since you were in there long enough to drown twice _and_ come back from the dead. I guess that would explain why your face is so scary this morning."

"Well isn't she lively?" Andi scoffed and rolled her eyes at Sophie.

"You'd think you'd know better by now than to tease her before she's had anything proper to eat," Sophie replied matter-of-factly. "Even half asleep she's usually a bit quicker with the insults than you."

"Well _I _didn't make fun of her face."

"That's because _I _don't look like a flesh eating creature of the Netherworld that just rose from the grave," I replied with a grin and Sophie laughed out loud.

Andi promptly chucked a makeup brush at my head and ignored us, grumbling about 'dodgy best friends' and 'bloody wankers'. She really does love me. She just has a hard time admitting it some days.

Still, she wasn't speaking to us as we made our way to down to breakfast and hence, Sophie and I had a rather pleasant, purely academic, conversation. Sophie is convinced that if it weren't for Andi I would have turned out well enough to be Head Girl. That thought is slightly nauseating. Though I enjoy school now and again, I'm pleased I have a few bad influences in my life to save me from my potential.

"I heard that the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is really odd," Sophie said as we sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. I noticed that the tables were conspicuously empty. Well at least _some_ people got to sleep in their first morning back. "He supposedly toured the country after he left Hogwarts and has been in so many dangerous situations that he believes everyone and every thing is inherently evil. I heard he performed a Disillusioning Charm on Dumbledore before he would agree to take the job. I do hope Dumbledore knows what he's doing."

"Is he that really handsome bloke at the teacher's table?" Andi was looking intently at a blonde young man who was scowling blackly at the ceiling of the Great Hall. Apparently she was over being mad about the zombie cracks.

Sophie rolled her eyes, "Yes."

"Well, everyone has their quirks," Andi said happily. "He's yummy."

A heated debate quickly followed about the pros and cons to brains or beauty in men. I was happily immersed in setting Sophie and Andi against each other, not even thinking about Sirius Black, when my innocent person was accosted by the _lovely_ boy and my atrocious first name.

"Morning Maggie, ladies," Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew sat down beside us. I hadn't realized we'd sat so close to their habitual place at the table.

Fate: 1, Me: 0

"Good morning Sirius," Andi replied as I was too busy glowering into my plate to respond. I really should come up with some sort of punishment for them telling Sirius my real name. It has since become increasingly clear that he won't ever give it up.

As evidenced by his complete ignoring of my stony silence.

"You're looking bright and shiny this morning, Mags. It must be the prospect of detention with me tonight that has you so excited," he reached over me and placed five pancakes on his plate. He promptly drenched them in syrup and started stuffing his face.

I glanced at him briefly. He cocked a questioning brow at me, his perfect mouth comically sticky with syrup, and I rolled my eyes, "I wouldn't want to injure your ego so I won't go into detail about why exactly there is no possibility that I could even be excited this early in the morning about someone I like, let alone someone such as yourself."

He swallowed and looked at me amused, "Such as myself?"

Apparently he hadn't been listening the night before.

I nodded and turned back to my cereal, "Yes, you remember. Interfering, obnoxious prat."

"Maybe Devlin wasn't quite as appreciative of our little rescue as we thought Padfoot," James retorted and shot Sirius an amused look. At least one of them got the point.

Sirius frowned and turned to consider my attempts at avoidant cereal eating tactics, "Would you like us to catch old Snivellus unawares and let you finish the job?"

I smiled despite the fact that I did not want to encourage them, "That might be acceptable."

"Haha! You see Pads," James grinned triumphantly.

Sirius grinned back, "I have to say that I could marry a girl who takes such delight in the demise of old Snivellus. Tell me, Mags dear, would you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world?"

I choked on my cereal and Andi pounded me on the back helpfully.

"My apologies," Sirius exclaimed and quickly poured me a glass of pumpkin juice. "Please don't die before I have a chance to profess my undying love for you. Better yet, don't die at all. I don't know if I'd ever find another girl who can match my need to murder our favorite dastardly and greasy git."

Oh _brother_.

What in the world had I done to deserve having to deal with _this_ this morning. Wasn't it bad enough that I had to wake up to threats and insults, now I had to be mocked while I innocently attempted to eat my cereal?

Not fair I say.

"You shouldn't go around proposing to girls over their breakfasts," I snapped, eyeing Sirius as he looked happily at me from behind the hair that had casually fallen in his eyes. "Unless of course you want them to hurl it back all over you then by all means."

Sophie was looking between me and Sirius with a strange look on her face and Andi was guffawing in a very lady like manner into her waffles. I told you I have two completely loyal and supportive best mates.

Er, not.

"Well I don't propose to just anyone you see," he ran his fingers through his hair thoughtfully and began to explain in what I assume he meant to be a sincere manner. "She has to be the right sort of vengeful woman and naturally up for a bit of fun. I can't be expected to keep up my reputation with someone afraid to get caught in a broom closet now and again after all. Oh yes, she must also avoid the library at all costs or I will have to disown her. It's that whole reputation thing again. Have I missed anything James?"

"Well I reckon she should like you," he suggested helpfully and gave a meaningful look in my direction as I was regarding Sirius with a blank look. I had stopped trying to work out just what he was on after his first sentence and was merely wondering why in the hell he was explaining what he looked for in a woman.

Particularly since the depth of our relationship only went about as far as being paired for a project in Transfiguration last year. And that doesn't even really count because he missed most of every session we planned because he was dating Pru McKenzie at the time and was obviously thinking with the lower half of his body for the better part of a month and not really worried about little old me and our obviously insignificant project (_which by the way we aced and I'm sure he doesn't even ruddy care_).

"What? Dear old Mags likes me. Don't you like me, Maggie?"

I decided not to answer that one, as I was thinking rather prickly thoughts just then about stupid blonde slags and their powers of distraction.

"See," Sirius told James. "She's so pleased over my proposal she's gone mute. How's that for devotion?"

Andi snorted. I smacked her. Sirius grinned.

I closed my eyes momentarily, willing the image of that stupid smirk away and drawing on my exquisite self control so that I didn't scream. Thankfully, we were greeted by a very welcome distraction almost immediately and I was saved the embarrassment of yelling like an enraged hippo. Or well, I thought it was going to be a welcome distraction.

"Lily flower, love of my life, marry me?" James suddenly stood up on the bench and was calling out dramatically to Lily Evans who was passing schedules down the Gryffindor table.

I clearly saw Remus and Sophie make identical faces of disapproval right then. They're made for each other really. Forget the fact that his friends are right prats, Remus Lupin was _made_ for Sophie Rogers.

Anyway, continuing with the second proposal of our morning.

Lily looked up and scowled at James, "Sit down you idiot."

He grinned, "You didn't answer my question."

"Because the answer is obvious, you ponce," she snapped and threw our schedules down on the table in front of him. She looked up at his face as he was still standing on the bench. "Now…Sit. Down."

"But Devlin here has agreed to marry Sirius. You can't leave a poor bloke all on his lonesome. It simply isn't fair," he announced far too loudly to the room at large. I know I said the tables were much more empty than usual that morning, but there were still enough members of the Marauder Fan Club to overhear James and cause the back of my head to become a target for some rather murderous death glares.

I immediately felt my face go bright red.

Ahem…FATE: 2, me: 0

Lily rolled her eyes, "Not even in another life, Potter."

She looked at my red face and gave me a sympathetic nod before flouncing off to leave James staring longingly in her wake. It was a moment before he realized he was still standing on the bench. Grinning, he promptly sat back down, "She'll realize one day she's nutters for me. It's only a matter of time."

Sirius murmured a half hearted agreement and I was just about to add my two cents when Andi decided it was imperative I see my schedule.

"Ohhh, look Lena. Double Potions first thing, won't Slughorn be pleased?" She promptly held the piece of parchment up to my nose for my inspection. I groaned.

Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.

Not only does Professor Slughorn _detest_ the ground I walk on, but all of the mad people sitting with me at the moment, with the exception of Andi, were also in that class. Not to mention most of the seventh year class of Slytherin boys.

FATE: 3, me: -10

Seriously. _Why_ didn't I see right then that there was obviously something going horribly wrong with my life? Not that I'm one to complain, but _really_?

Okay, I mean, in my fifth year I did purposely help Andi explode Lucius Malfoy's cauldron (and in the process cover most of the class with boils), and yes the two of us have sabotaged one or two (or five, or seven) of his famous Slug Club parties. But in all honesty, does that give him the right to hate me so much? I'm really good at Potions, brilliant actually. I just really can't stand the way he simpers over Lily Evans or pats Severus Snape on the head like his lap dog. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at hiding my dislike and he tortures me at every turn.

I'm not exaggerating. No one _else_ ever seems to get paired with Gretchen Molders, who just _happens_ to be the biggest clutz in existence. No one _else_ ever gets picked on to answer ridiculously hard and pointless questions that only Lily Evans knows. And no one _else _gets marked down on their essays for putting their name in the wrong place.

Subtlety, thy name is very much _not_ Professor Slughorn.

So yeah, Double Potions first thing in the morning. Brilliant.

"If she'd just learn to behave herself it wouldn't be so bad," Sophie interjected with a pointed look in my direction. "Sometimes I think you do things on purpose."

"Do what on purpose?" Sirius asked before stuffing another forkful of pancakes into his mouth and looking interestedly for the answer to a question that was clearly none of his business.

"Oh don't be so boring, Soph," Andi replied and turned to Sirius, batting her long lashes.

I suppressed a grin despite myself. My best friend is a shameless flirt.

"You know those "sabotaged" Slug Club parties?" she grinned when Sirius nodded expectantly. "Lena and I had a hand in one or two of them."

"Or six or seven," Sophie protested. "And Slughorn's bound to have found out by now. It's no wonder he doesn't like you two."

Sirius appeared to be impressed with this, "That was you two?"

He turned and nudged James, "Prongs, Andi and Maggie here were the inspired minds behind the lovely sabotaging of Sluggie's Sleepovers. Can you believe it?"

James threw an equally impressed look my way, "No shit? I suppose we should have guessed after that Bat-Bogey Hex. I've never seen one executed quite that well."

I felt my face turn a bit red. I _was_ rather proud of that one.

"You should see what we did to Amos Diggory at the last one," Andi continued. "Prat couldn't sit right for days."

Despite my _obvious_ modesty, I began to laugh at that, "Oh Merlin. That was one for the books."

"Do tell, do tell," Sirius replied leaning into me and clearly settling in for a juicy session of swapping prank ideas, making me uncomfortable, and overall just causing trouble when he was rudely interrupted.

Sophie's book closed with a snap, "Please don't encourage them, Sirius. It's bad enough when they _don't_ have someone proud of their handiwork."

"Must be some story," James replied wiggling his eyebrows at our precious and disgusted Sophie.

Sirius dropped a very outrageous wink my way, "Well we do have a date tonight, Devlin. Perhaps we can share our dirty little secrets then, eh?"

_(Okay, now here I feel the need to defend myself, because Sirius is, after all, a very good looking male with a rather large reputation of being charming and witty AND it was unfairly and horribly early for me to properly respond to his suggestiveness. Therefore, I cannot be faulted for the complete and utterly shameless flirting/slaggishness that followed this statement. Defense ended, you may proceed.) _

"I'm not so sure Black," I replied lightly. I had long since given up on trying to find my cereal more interesting than Hogwarts' biggest heartthrob. "My dirty little secrets might be a bit much for your precious virtue to handle."

Peter promptly sprayed pumpkin juice all over Remus as he guffawed loudly at this, but Sirius only smirked, "You're a lot of talk I think, Devlin."

Oh man. What a button to push. I will not take the bait. I will not take the bait. I will not take the bait. _Damn_, this already happened. I definitely took the bait.

"I see," I replied and exchanged an amused glance with Andi. "Well, it's not like we'd have anything to learn from you…"

Trailing off suggestively. I'm so classy.

"Well, well," Sirius tutted. "I do believe that was a challenge. What say you, Moony?"

Remus looked up from mopping his face with his napkin and smirked a bit, "I'd expect it from Andi, but not this one. Seems a bit green."

I'm sure you can guess how wonderfully hilarious Andi found _this_. Because she did, and laughed loudly in my ear to prove it. I elbowed her hard in the ribs.

"And just how am I a bit green?" I demanded, smacking Andi's arm for good measure as she continued to snort into her hand. Such a lady that one.

"Yeah," Andi agreed still hiccupping with giggles occasionally. "I've never seen a Bat-Bogey Hex like hers, or anyone who can rival her jinxes in all honesty. Sure she needs a little convincing sometimes, but she always gets the job done right."

She exchanged winks with Sirius.

Amazing…clever even. Sexual innuendos at my expense Andrea Cauldwell. Such a lovely mate you are.

"Can we go now please?" Sophie asked, standing and looking at me expectantly. "We're going to be late for Potions."

"Yes, alright," I agreed and fixed Andi with a thanks-so-much-for-your-help glare and grabbed up my books and rucksack.

"We'll finish this later," Sirius promised, shouting after us as we left the Great Hall. "I can be quite convincing!"

Convincing my arse.

* * *

**Note from the Victim**:

_Have I mentioned that I need to find new mates? Well, I do. _

_But in any case…WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?_

_I basically got on my knees and begged for Sirius to harass me. I honestly couldn't tell you what was going through my mind at that point. I fully blame it on the stress of having Double Potions first thing that morning and being accosted by good looking men before my brain was functioning properly. _

_That is the ONLY sane explanation for my behavior. Honestly…not have anything to learn from Sirius. What the bloody hell was I thinking? _

* * *

**Still September 2****nd****, Potions (i.e. **_**HELL**_**) **

To say that Slughorn hates me may be somewhat of an understatement.

Loathes, perhaps? Abhors, maybe?

But really, I think that hate is just too mild an emotion.

I'm telling you this man has it out for me.

The first half of Potions went by relatively uneventful. Everyone escaped into their customary corners of the room, with their customary partners, and their customary distractions. The four Marauders conquered their tables in the back no questions asked, the Slytherins happily segregated themselves to the left half of the room, the two Ravenclaws claimed the front tables, and the single Hufflepuff was left along with Sophie and myself to fill in the gaps.

Sophie and I always sit right in the middle. Close enough to satisfy her studious ways and far enough away for me to avoid notice for _most_ of the class. Gretchen Molders, our lone Hufflepuff, always ends up on my right somehow, which is not beneficial to my "avoid notice" methods because she quite literally never stops talking, and inevitably gets me in trouble. However, I've had to come to terms with it as there's nowhere else she could sit unless she wants to get eaten alive by Slytherins or bored to death by Ravenclaws. And as annoying as she may be, I do have _some_ human compassion.

Oh! And a new development this year! Oh joy. (Sarcasm at its best folks). The twin gits had decided to take up residence directly behind me and engage in such games as 'Throw bits of parchment at Lena's head' and 'Let's get Lena blamed for something she _clearly_ didn't do'. All in all, it would seem _someone_ had invented my own little personal hell.

"Psst, Devlin, psst…" James was trying in vain to get my attention, punctuating his 'pssts' with even more tiny bits of parchment to the back of my head.

Was he mad? There was no _way_ I was turning around and risking the wrath of Slughorn. I'd made it through half the class already with no fire being breathed in my direction. Did he honestly expect me to risk my luck just because _he_ had something to say? Think again, Potter. You may be used to every other female in this school vying for your attention, but I am immune to your Marauder ways. Ha.

"Psst, Devlin! C'mon! This is important!" Sirius added his whisper to James'.

I ground my teeth together. Okay fine. Perhaps if I was quick Slughorn would never notice and they'd leave me alone. I quickly swiveled on my stool and hissed at them, "What do you want?"

I got no reply but was instead hit square in the face with a bigger bit of parchment. Sirius grinned and motioned for me to read it. I scowled at him and turned back around to find Sophie giving me a sidelong glance before rolling her eyes and shaking her head. I ignored her and contemplated the parchment in front of me. Did I really want to know what was inside?

"Passing notes in class, Miss Devlin?"

Well, shit. I felt my stomach drop and my chest fill with dread.

Bugger, bugger, bugger.

I _knew_ I shouldn't have turned around. I _knew_ it was going to get me in trouble.

I took a deep breath and slowly brought my gaze up to Slughorn's who was regarding me with such a look of disdain that I'm surprised I didn't just shrivel up right then and there, "Actually professor—"

"Tsk, tsk, Miss Devlin. I'll have no excuses. Hand it over," he held out a pudgy hand for the note. I unwillingly handed it over and had a very peculiar feeling as I did so that I was handing over a death wish.

"Please Professor, I didn't—"

I stopped talking immediately as his face started to turn an ugly sort of purple. Yep. I had no idea what was on that piece of parchment but I had been right to think it would be the end of me. Slughorn _never_ turned that particular shade of purple unless he was really, _really_ angry. Do you know how I know? Because I'm the only person in this class that's actually seen him turn that color and it resulted in a month of detention last time.

Bollocks.

"I see that your sense of humor has not greatly improved since last year," he folded up the parchment and stuck it in the pocket of his horrid green waistcoat. "See me after class."

I nodded glumly and watched him waddle away. The peanut gallery behind me was now oddly silent. Naturally. Now that the damage was done.

I spent the rest of class coming up with creative ways to explain what may or may not have been on that parchment, because honestly, with the two dung brains behind me, one couldn't be quite sure what to expect.

Sophie, to her credit, had not given me a single dirty or reproving look as I sat sighing and contemplating my imminent death. Thank Merlin for small favors, eh? Now if only Slughorn would be so nice, because we all knew he wasn't going to believe a word I fed him.

I'm telling you. Fate—and Slughorn, and possibly Sirius Black—really have it out for me.

* * *

**Still Sept. 2nd: The part in which I was late for Charms because Slughorn is an insufferable old codger and Sirius Black is a no good, ruddy ponce. HMPH!**

Apparently Flitwick had already been informed of my reasons for being late as I was greeted quite cheerily with, 'Please find your seat Miss Devlin', and a rather twitchy smile.

I always knew I liked him.

I collapsed into the seat next to Andi, grateful not to have to explain my lateness, but didn't bother to get out my textbook. Twitchy smile or no twitchy smile, Flitwick was busy reviewing Concealing Charms and I wasn't the least bit in the mood to be a good student. We've been doing Concealing Charms since fourth year. My very brassed off self just simply couldn't handle worthless review at that point. So instead I took up staring rather darkly at the back of the shaggy black head two seats in front of me until Andi slipped a note onto my desk.

**So what happened in Potions? – AC **

What was in the note? – SR

I got detention. Again. And the note had a very lovely, animated illustration of our favorite Potions Master. – LD

**Ah. Flattering I should hope? **

Hardly.

Did you tell him it was James and Sirius?

**Of course she didn't. You know our Lena. Too much pride.**

Shove it Andi. As a matter of fact I told him I was completely clueless as to the origin of the note and I in fact had no idea who Messrs Padfoot and Prongs were. Merlin, what a pair of arseholes.

_You could have just told him, Lena_.

And have to spend _more_ time in detention with them? No thanks.

**How many times must I tell you this, madwoman? That's a good thing!**

_Detention is not a good thing, Andrea. Stop encouraging her. _

**Well I would have thought after her slaggy comments at breakfast she'd **_**want**_** to spend some more time with Sirius…**

I hate you.

Oh, and also. I can't be blamed for things I say when it is far to early for my brain to be functioning.

**Whatever you say, slaggy. **

_Flitwick is looking._

Good, I hope Andi gets caught and stuck in detention with Avery or something!

_Oh yes, that'd show her. _

**Harsh, Lena. Harsh indeed. You know full well I'd murder that bloody Slytherin wanker. Do you want your best mate to go to Azkaban?**

Perhaps.

_It would certainly give you a chance to live up to that potential we talked about this morning, Magdelena. _

On second thought, let's stop passing notes…

* * *

**Still Sept. 2****nd****: Dinner with my lovely mates…**

"Honestly Lena, it could be worse yeah?" Andi was regarding me with a look that was unfairly annoyed.

_She_ could think that having detention with Thing 1 and Thing 2 wasn't so bad, especially considering that James and Sirius would both willingly let her drag them to a corner and snog them senseless, but _I_ was not about to…also consider they'd gotten me _another_ detention in Potions and I think it was fair for me to be mildly upset about it all.

I really couldn't understand her. How was I supposed to make it through detention without killing one of them tonight, let alone _enjoy_ myself?

"Sure it could be worse," I agreed, perhaps a bit caustically. But can you blame me? "I _could_ be down in a dungeon scrubbing old cauldrons while Slughorn sits and gloats about it. Oh wait! I'll be doing that _tomorrow _night."

Andi did have the decency to look sympathetic at that.

"It'll be fine," Sophie tried reassuring me. "McGonagall will be there, and she won't let anything happen."

"Good. Great," I muttered. I wasn't convinced.

'Minnie', as Sirius so endearingly called her, seemed to have a soft spot for the roguish troublemaker and her favorite Quidditch Captain. I was nothing more than beans (sans ketchup I might add) compared to the two of them.

And all things aside, it wasn't like I hadn't had detention before. Andi had seen to that in our first year at Hogwarts (and many many times since), but I was still unhappy about it. After all, the two idiots hadn't _had _to fess up to what happened with Snape and it _was _their fault Slughorn gave me another detention. Who knew what other sort of trouble they were likely to get me in? I think the circumstances allowed for a bit of lenience where my irritation was concerned.

"Just look at it this way," Andi suggested, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "The more you get to know Sirius the easier it will be to get back at him. If you're not going to shag the bloke, might as well have a little fun with him, yeah?"

I contemplated this for a moment before the grin broke across my face. I know I say this a lot, but I sometimes seem to forget just why Andi and I are friends. She's a brilliant mate most days.

"That a girl!" she exclaimed proudly.

Sophie suddenly looked apprehensive, "Just don't do anything stupid okay? I know they might seem harmless, but I've seen James when he's angry. It's not pretty."

I grinned wickedly at her, "What's the worst that can happen?"

Okay, so I was tempting fate a bit. But in all honesty, how dangerous could a couple of seventeen year old boys really be? I didn't see how it was something I couldn't handle…at this point in time anyway.

Sophie sighed, "Well don't say I didn't warn you."

"Noted," I chuckled.

"Incoming," Andi said suddenly and smiled at whoever was walking up behind me. As if I couldn't have guessed.

"Oy! Devlin, we've got a date."

Sirius Black, you are the bane of my existence. I have no idea why or when you decided to start noticing the ground I walk on but I'm quite sure that my sanity is suffering because of it. Please explain _why_ exactly you just needed to yell across the _GREAT HALL_ that we have a date tonight. Do you want your little fan girls to send out a hit on me? Do you?

Naturally I didn't say this but I did my best to convey it all in the rather dark look I sent him when he sprawled out on the bench next to me looking far more yummy than he deserved.

"You were going to be late Maggie," he informed me, running a hand nonchalantly through his effortlessly disheveled hair. I practically heard Miranda Groves drooling from twenty feet down the table. I'm so happy to be in control of my hormones. He grinned, "Reckon it's a good thing I came along to save you, hm?"

I'm not sure what his idea of a 'rescue' is, but I'm thinking it's slightly skewed considering his methods.

I smiled sweetly at him, "Oh yes. Why not just ship me off to Azkaban while you're at it?"

He frowned and gave me a confused look, "What?"

He clearly did not understand that his carelessness today had a) pushed me much farther into Slughorn's black books, b) caused me to know be a wanted woman by his rather rabid fan club, and c) caused me to have murderous intentions of my own. Oblivious, this one. Completely and utterly oblivious.

"Sirius, darling," Andi interrupted before I could reply. "Tell that prat of a best mate of yours that scheduling Quidditch practice at ungodly hours of the morning is not okay."

Sirius raised a sleek, doubting black brow for her benefit, "And risk certain death? Not bloody likely."

Andi pouted prettily, something she has completely mastered in her seventeen years of life. Professors melt, and boys pee themselves. It's really quite entertaining, "C'mon Sirius."

He grinned at her lovely lips, "Does that work on all the boys, Cauldwell?"

She smirked, "Generally."

Sometimes I worry about Andi. I mean, ignoring the fact that Sirius Black is quite utterly the closest thing to perfection this school has ever seen, he's a right arse and she was practically shagging him with her eyes. I knew she had low standards. But come on.

I rolled my eyes, "If you two are quite finished, I believe we have detention."

"All business and no play tonight," Andi warned the six foot two sex god next to me. She winked and flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder casually, "Maybe you can knock some sense into her."

Didn't she just get done telling me I should mess with him? Honestly, mates sometimes. I just don't get…

Oh wait.

Bloody hell.

He totally just did that, I'm going to look at your cleavage super sneaky like but then pretend I didn't, thing. He _totally_ just checked her out. And all she did was pout a little and play with her hair. And on top of that, she's been playing Quidditch with him for years, so I _know_ that he's already fully aware of Andi's, erm, assets. Honestly, you should see the little black leather cat suits she wears.

In any case, he obviously wasn't above taking what was offered however much it may have been old news.

Hmm, blokes. Always thinking with their other brain.

I caught Andi smirking at me and grinned back. Obviously I had just been given an example of just how easy it would be to get under Sirius' skin once I knew the right buttons to push. Well met, Miss Cauldwell. Well met.

Smiling perhaps a bit too brightly I turned to Sirius, "Shall we, Black?"

He looked from Andi to me in surprise, "Anything you say, Maggie."

"Black?"

"Hm?"

I punched him unceremoniously in the arm, "It's Lena."

I promptly stood and started walking away with Sirius' wounded objections following and Andi's laughter disappearing behind us.

Maybe I could do this detention thing after all.

* * *

**September 2****nd****: Detention with Big Prat and Bigger Prat. **

Looking back, I can honestly say it isn't my fault that I get into these messes. It truly isn't. I swear. It would seem that the world at large seems to have a problem with me, or perhaps its just karma in general (_or Sirius Black)_. I'm not quite sure, but either way…

McGonagall left us alone.

Yep. That's what I said.

The one Professor in this school who I very much respected and thought had the most potential…left us alone. ALONE.

Fate: 100, Me: ….does it even matter at this point?

Can you imagine? What could possibly have been going through her head? I know she has a little warm fuzzy spot for Potter and his pet Black. But how could she do this to me??

Yes, yes I know. Only mere moments before I was strutting down the hallway ahead of him, completely arrogant in my knowledge that I was going to one up the stupid bleeding moron. And I was justified. In being arrogant, I mean. He _had_ just eyed up my best mate and only because she had made a cute face at him and revealed what is admittedly ample cleavage. But is arrogance _any reason_ that I should be treated so unfairly? I mean, any female in their right minds who could mess with Sirius Black would, wouldn't they? Even Minerva McGonagall goes a bit googly eyed over 'Mr. Black'.

I, therefore, declare that it was simply cruel and unusual punishment for her to abandon me. After all, isn't there some female code she ought to have to stick to at the very least? Something about not abandoning your fellow woman in her time of need?

Apparently McGonagall missed that memo. Ugh.

To be fair, it started out quite fine. I stuck to my side of the trophy room and they stuck to theirs. That is until they started whispering—quite loudly I might add—and very obviously attempting to keep me from hearing.

There's another thing about blokes. They don't get the whole not being obvious about trying to keep a secret idea I swear. Sirius kept throwing quick glances my way as if that _wouldn't_ set off every alarm in my head.

Because it obviously did.

In any case, as they began whispering I began thinking up excuses.

I had no idea what they were up to but I sure as hell was not going to get blamed for it. If worst came to worst, I'd escape to the loo and plead off sick to McGonagall if need be.

"You know, since she isn't here you can use your wand," Sirius' voice right behind my ear made me jump, nearly jolting the jar of polish in my hand to the floor.

"Don't sneak up on my like that," I snapped and waved my dirty polish rag in his face so he'd take a few steps back. "And won't it be a bit obvious if we've finished if she comes back early?"

"Eh," Sirius shrugged. "Minnie isn't stupid. She knows we'll use magic if she leaves. She also knows that it's virtually pointless for her to worry about it since not using magic wouldn't get the message through our heads anyway."

"I see," I answered and flicked my wand towards the rag and polish in my other hand. They immediately started polishing all on their own. I looked back at Sirius' surprised smile and smirked.

"Now what?" I looked expectantly at him.

He appeared to be impressed, "Really?"

Um, yes. Was he thick _and_ blind then?

"Really, really," I replied exasperated.

He still looked doubtful, "I still say you're a bunch of talk, Mag."

I groaned, "_Stop_ calling me that, alright?"

"Well it's your name isn't it?" James objected walking over and handing Sirius a glass bottle filled with a golden liquid that look suspiciously like butterbeer. He offered me one.

I took it, but only because I'm trying to prove I'm not so much talk.

Because, in all honesty, Sirius is more right than I would ever let on to _anyone_. You see, I have this horrible goody-goody streak that if not for Andi, would have consumed me long, long ago. When Sophie said I could have been Head Girl I don't doubt she was right. And when I said I'm happy I have someone to save me from my potential, I was completely serious. After seeing the rubbish Lily Evans had to go through to get it…I'm quite happy that I chose to stamp out aforementioned goody-goody streak by sabotaging Slug Club parties, hexing Slytherins, and torturing our Divination teacher.

That said, this streak rears it's fluffy pink head sometimes, and the idea of alcohol during detention had it more than rearing—it was practically convulsing.

So, yeah, I'm not perfect. Who is? But I certainly wasn't about to let the two idiots in front of me know that. And I noticed, with complete satisfaction, that Sirius' eyebrows shot up when I coolly took the proffered bottle. All talk, huh Black? A goody-goody streak I may have, but I've got some backbone too.

Hmph.

I mean, Andi wasn't the _complete_ mastermind behind all the trouble we've gotten into. She does tend to wear off on a girl.

As if reading my mind, Sirius settled himself onto the floor against one of the trophy cases and crossing his legs, looked at me happily, "Right well, I believe you were going to share some of those dirty little secrets with us?"

"Was I?" I followed his example and settled myself across the aisle from him against another trophy case, twisting the cap from my bottle. "I don't recall ever agreeing to that."

James looked at me in amusement, "You were the one who brought it up this morning, Devlin."

Um, yeah. Not so much.

"If I _recall_ correctly," I sniffed. "It was Sirius butting in on _our_ conversation and _Andi_ who brought up the pranks."

"And you're so full of rubbish it's not funny," Sirius accused, though to his credit he was laughing.

"I am not!" I disagreed hotly. "I'm just making a point."

'Hmm," he took a long pull from his bottle, considering me. He shook his head unconvinced, "Complete rubbish."

I felt my face get hot. I think I mentioned before that I'm a champion sulker, and teasing me about what I do and don't have the bollocks to do is a sure fire way to get my dander up. I scowled at him, "Believe what you want, Black, but I think we both know that I'm just as capable as you are at causing a bit of trouble. Perhaps a bit more, since I so rarely get caught, yeah?"

Yeah. Right. So about getting into these messes _not_ being my fault. Perhaps I'm not being quite honest. How can anyone deny that I obviously opened my mouth and inserted my foot just then? But you do have to agree with me that it's really McGonagall's fault for leaving us alone in the first place. Right? I would never have even _had _this conversation if she had just stayed in the ruddy room…

"That, Maggie dear, is only a sign that you aren't living up to your full potential," Sirius informed me. "We only get caught because no one _else_ has the bollocks to do what we do. Or is that what you were implying? That you do have the bollocks and are, in fact, just better than us?"

Bugger. Bugger it all to hell.

Yes, that's right. You know what comes next.

"Is that what she was implying, Pads?" James said, completely and _obviously _mocking. "Perhaps we should put her to the test…"

Pads? Ah, yes…Padfoot. I had nearly forgotten about _that_. I did have a rather _large_ bone to pick with the two of them. Or did I? Perhaps they were providing me with the perfect opportunity to _repay_ them said bone.

Interesting.

"Nah, Prongs, I'm telling you. She doesn't have the stuff."

And really. Did they think themselves _so impossibly far _above their fellow student that they don't even think to apologize when this fellow student gets detention for something that was entirely _not_ her fault and completely theirs? I ask you, how many things like this happen in a day that they hadn't even brought it up? Even to have a laugh at my expense.

I'm afraid I got rather pouty at this point and had stopped paying attention.

"See," Sirius said and nudged my knee with his toe. "She doesn't even have a good come back. We aren't working with professional material here, mate."

I scowled and took a pull of my butterbeer for some liquid courage. A lot he knew. I'd just like to _see_ him throw another unflattering picture of Slughorn at me after I was through with him. Heh.

"As a matter of fact, I don't have to prove anything to you. Either of you," I retorted with a lot more confidence than I had. And then…

THEN.

Well, then I lied a bit, yeah?

I couldn't help it. They were sitting there, being the insufferable, egotistical morons that they are—and with that infuriating smirk on Black's face I challenge anyone to keep their cool—and the words just sort of slipped out. It's not like I _intended_ to tell them that I actually had a rather large prank already planned for the next day that I in reality did not, or that Andi and I had been planning it for weeks when in actuality the idea had popped into my head just then. In fact, I don't even remember making the decision to open my mouth.

But as I've said before, Sirius Black clearly drives me to insanity. There is literally no other explanation for it.

And so, I leveled my gaze with Sirius' and lied through my teeth, "If you must know. Andi and I have been planning something all summer. We are all set for tomorrow. We _do prefer_ to remain anonymous but if you'd like some proof, I'd be happy to discuss it with Andi."

I know. Stupid, big mouth. I _know_.

But I didn't have any control. Sirius and that bleeding perfect face of his do things to me. And it usually never turns out well.

And _still_, despite my _fabulous_ bluffing skills, Sirius and James still appeared to be having their doubts.

"All summer?" Sirius raised his brows and drank deeply while he seemed to muse over this. "It should be right entertaining, then, I imagine. When were you thinking about executing it?"

I froze. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ brain. Can come up with one outrageous lie without my consent but can't come up with another one? My brain is apparently a very fickle organ. Grasping desperately at straws, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "In Transfiguration."

Sirius' doubt quickly turned to disbelief and he rolled his eyes, "C'mon, Devlin. You can't actually expect us to believe that _you_ could pull something off right under McGonagall's nose."

"And why not?" I demanded, feeling more than a bit put out. I mean, Sirius didn't even know me really at this point. What right did he have to be passing judgment? Not that his disbelief wasn't well founded—because it most certainly and definitely was considering my goody-goody streak—but that, my friends, is simply a small technicality.

Psh.

"Because, Lena, even we aren't that stupid," James replied emphatically. "We like to _keep_ our heads attached to our bodies."

I laughed a bit at this. Firstly, because James had pretty much just admitted to me that the Marauders didn't deliberately cross Minerva McGongall and may in fact fear her more than they let on, and secondly, because Andi and I had gotten away with several things 'right under McGonagall's nose' and I was near to the bursting with happiness that I could tell them that honestly. Because, yes, I had made up the story about the next day, and yes I have a tendency to need a little convincing in order to actually 'pull something off'…but that didn't mean it was entirely out of the question. _Especially_ considering that I thought I owed them something special for what they'd done to me in Potions and that seemed to be enough 'convincing' as far as I was concerned.

I smirked triumphantly, "I have two words for you. Tammy. Reynolds."

I saw both their eyes widen before sharing a look of awe—okay, it was mild awe, but still awe!!!—and I knew exactly what they were thinking.

At the end of the previous years term, we had spent a grueling three weeks studying for our final exams in Transfiguration, and the class as a whole was, to be frank, bloody fed up. So Andi and I, in all of our amazing prankish glory, came up with a rather brilliant plan to spice things up. Now, Tammy Reynolds at the time was the same year as us, but unfortunately for her sake, a whiny and greatly annoying Ravenclaw. So, as was only natural, she and her constant whining at McGonagall quickly became the object of our mischief.

I do believe people were _still_ talking about that class when we arrived back this year. That's how utterly brilliant and talented we are. Not to mention subtle, since, you know, Potter and Black were obviously still oblivious.

In any case, our brilliance took the form of touch activated Switching Spells, and our targets…Tammy Reynolds and the unwilling object of her affections, Amos Diggory. Who I would like to point out is a right prat and possibly a bigger git than James and Sirius combined. If that's possible.

But whatever, moving on…

When they finally touched there was a big flash of light, but nothing significant happened. That is, until Amos suddenly stood up screaming like a banshee and running around the room like his arse was on fire. I swear to Merlin, I was laughing so hard I was crying. Because in actuality, that was Tammy running around in Amos's body…and the idea of her freaking out and feeling all of Amos', erm, bits and pieces going everywhere as she ran about was enough to kill a person. As it was, I think I came quite close to stopping breathing in my mirth.

Once McGonagall finally got Amos, i.e. Tammy, to calm down enough to explain what was wrong everyone else had already figured it out. This was helped along by the fact that Tammy, i.e. Amos, was looking down at her rather generous chest with a look caught between bewilderment and pure male appreciation, but regardless, the general hilarity of the situation had spread like wildfire and McGonagall had been forced to end class early much to everyone's delight.

And that was literally all anyone had talked about the rest of the term. Andi and I had agreed that Operation Take Down Transfiguration had been a rousing success. I was happy to see that the two Marauders in front of me agreed.

"Do you know we've been trying for ages to find out who that was," James informed me. "And all this time, we'd been sitting right next to the two of you."

I grinned, "We did pull that one off rather well."

Sirius shrugged, "Sounds like a bit of luck to me."

You know, he is either the world's biggest ponce or really just knows how to push my buttons. Or maybe both.

"Luck had nothing to do with it Black," I glared.

"Want to bet on it?" he asked, his blue eyes darkened mischievously and that stupid smirk was back on his face. Prat.

"No I don't want to bet on it," I snapped, the look he was giving me making me a bit uneasy. "It's not my fault you don't believe me."

"Well, I suppose, if you're that confident in your skills Devlin, then betting on them would be a guaranteed way to get something you want, yeah?" Sirius leaned back casually and smiled that smile he knows melts girls where they stand. "So what do you say?"

I hesitated.

If I said no, they'd probably figure out that I'd been lying this whole time. And Merlin knows I'd never live _that_ down. If I said yes, then I _had_ to come up with something spectacular tomorrow or, again, they'd figure out I'd been lying, I'd never live it down, _and_ I'd lose the bet. You can see that my options were pretty limited. Face the fire now, or put it off for a bit?

I was more inclined to put it off for a bit.

"What are your terms?'

Sirius grinned, "Now that's what I'm talking about."

He leaned back and seemed to be plotting thoughtfully. A wicked smirk was slowly spreading itself across his face. I suddenly had a very bad feeling about this.

"Alright," he finally said, nodding to himself. "Ten galleons and a date to Hogsmeade says you either won't go through with it, or if you do that you'll get caught."

Ten galleons and a date to Hogsmeade…that seemed—wait whaaat?? A date to Hogsmeade? Was he serious?

I felt my face get hot as Sirius grinned triumphantly and James started to crack up next to him.

"Hang on just one bleeding second," I demanded and had to check the impulse to throw my bottle of butterbeer at them. "So if I lose I owe you ten galleons and have to go to Hogsmeade with you, yeah?"

Sirius nodded that warm, lazy, _infuriating _smile.

"So what if I win?"

Sirius pondered this a moment, "Well I suppose I owe you ten galleons and have to be _your _date for the first Hogsmeade trip."

I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't that stupid, "I object."

"I knew it!" James exclaimed. "You were right, Pads. She doesn't have the stuff."

This was getting old rather quickly. I couldn't for the life of me fathom what they were up to, or _why _Sirius seemed so intent of winning a date out of me, but I figured I'd find out eventually and in the mean time have the perfect opportunity for a little revenge.

"Fine," I smiled sweetly. "I'll do it."

I'd just deal with this whole date thing later. If I won that is…

"Shake on it," James said with a grin.

Sirius leaned over and reached out his hand. I'm proud to say I didn't hesitate a bit, but grabbed his hand and shook it determinedly.

He smirked, "Good doing business with you, Devlin."

And with Sirius leering in my face and James looking more amused than was necessary, I felt the first flutters of panic. What exactly had I just gotten myself into?

Andi was either going to be ridiculously proud or think I'd finally lost it. As to that latter, I might have agreed with her.

* * *

**Note from the Victim:**

_Erm. _

_I think that was relatively self-explanatory. _

_No comment._


End file.
